President's Message from Lori Candela
Lori Candela | Published on 2/7/2023
Several years ago, my husband and I attended a special event for couples right before Valentine’s Day. We were introduced to author Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages, which are the different ways we like to express and receive love.
The 5 Lovea Languages™ are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. By learning to recognize these preferences in ourselves and others, we can begin to understand and connect more closely in our relationships. For example, my top Love Language™ is quality time. So, if my husband came home with diamonds, champagne, and flowers (the language of Receiving Gifts), I might not feel as connected to him as if we did something together, like go on a hike or picnic in front of the fireplace, spending quality time with one another. (Helpful for him to know before he went to the jewelry store!) While these insights were valuable to us as a couple, I wondered how this concept might apply in the workplace or in volunteer organizations. What would it be like if all individuals truly felt appreciated in ways that are most meaningful to them?
Gary Chapman and Paul White explored these ideas in their book The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. The five ways of expressing appreciation are very similar to the love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts, and Appropriate Physical Touch. Being very specific when providing praise will resonate with someone whose highest preference is Words of Affirmation. Taking the time to listen deeply will be appreciated by someone who values Quality Time. Taking on a task for someone who is overwhelmed could appeal to a person who places a high value on Acts of Service. An individual who feels appreciated by Tangible Gifts might value that Starbucks coffee you bring them or the book you thought they might enjoy. Appropriate Physical Touch could be something as simple as a fist bump or high five for a job well done.
It is helpful if we understand our own top love language or language of appreciation and it is also important to speak all five languages to create a stronger sense of connection and community with others. Like Dr. Tony Alessandra tells us in his book The Platinum Rule, “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” As coaches, how might we apply The 5 Languages of Appreciation with our clients? With our peers? February – a month when many of us focus on things heart-related, is a great time to reflect on this.
We have two Virtual Coach Cafés coming up this month, our Professional Enrichment Group: Maintaining Best Practices in Coaching and our Coaching Triads are kicking off again, too. On February 24, our chapter will host a Northeast Region event, Ethics in Coaching with The Co-Active Training Institute. This program will give us the opportunity to dive deep into experiential learning with case studies, examples, and tools to explore ethical concerns in coaching. Be sure to go onto our website https://www.icf-ct.org/ to learn more and to register on the Event Calendar. I look forward to seeing you there!
With appreciation,
Lori